


When Puns Aren't Fun

by Slenderbrine



Category: Five Nights at Freddy's
Genre: 2PUNS4U, BB might be insane, Crack, Everyone is Done with Mike's Shit, Five Nights at Freddy's 2, Gen, Humor, Hysteria, Jeremy is Done with Mike's Shit, Many Things Are Not Amused, Mike Isn't Done with His Shit, Mostly-BAMF!Mike, Murderous!Animatronics, Sheer Disappointment, The Puppet can talk, The Puppet is weak, non-canon, puns, so many puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-02
Updated: 2015-12-02
Packaged: 2018-05-04 13:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5335763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slenderbrine/pseuds/Slenderbrine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mike like puns. Mike loves puns. Mike makes puns. Now, everyone hates Mike.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Puns Aren't Fun

**When Puns Aren't Fun**

"Do you think it can understand us?" Jeremy asked his braver (and/or stupider) coworker.

"I dunno," Mike said, looking at the broken down Freddy Fazbear in front of them. It made no movements, and neither did they, but it just stood there, its broken mouth permanently stuck open as if to grin.

Jeremy jumped (but Mike didn't. He doesn't give a fuck) as the brown animatronic began laughing. It wasn't a hearty laugh or an enjoyable one. No, this was a chilling, evil laugh. For Jeremy, at least. Mike, who still gave no fucks, began twitching his lips.

"Ya' know," Mike said, not taking his eyes off the still-laughing bear, "his laugh is kind of annoying."

Jeremy's head shot up, turning to glare at Mike. "Mike..." he warned.

"You could almost say–"

Jeremy stared into Mike's eyes. "Don't you d–"

"–it's un- _bear_ -able."

Mike gave a shit-eating grin to the two members of his audience. Jeremy simply closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. "Jesus Christ, Mike, I swear..." Jeremy trailed off.

The Fazbear stopped laughing and turned to face him. Mike saw how his mouth kind of closed, almost to give him a deadpan stare. Freddy lifted his hand up, like he wanted to choke Mike, but thought better of it. The old animatronic turned and walked away, shaking its head and clacking its removed voice box.

"God damn it, Mike," Jeremy said to his coworker, who was still stifling a giggle.

"You're the one who wanted to see if they could hear us," Mike reminded him. "Well, they can."

<>=PUNS=<>

"Jesus Christ on a stick..." Mike grumbled, taking in the situation. There were three minutes until 6AM, and Day 15 would end. Mike and Jeremy prided themselves in lasting more than two weeks together, but this might just end them.

"Yeah..." Jeremy agreed.

In front of them was Toy Bonnie, but neither could reach for their mask. Behind him (her? Jeremy and Mike could never tell) was Withered Bonnie, so it didn't matter whether they put on masks or not. And, to top it all off, was Shadow Bonnie in the corner, grinning at them. Was it grinning? All they could see was its outline, its eyes, and its teeth, so it was hard to tell.

And then Mike saw it.

"Hey, Jeremy?" Mike asked. "You want to hear a joke?"

Jeremy shot him a glare. "Mike!" he shouted. "We are about to die! I do not want the last thing I hear to be one of your lame jokes!"

The Bonnies watched the two humans bickering with amusement, unconcerned that their time for killing them was running out.

"Oh come on!" Mike protested. "They aren't that bad!"

"You drove off Freddy with your stupid puns!" Jeremy exclaimed.

"Well, these are the Bonnies, not Freddy," Mike said. And then he hit it: "I'm pretty sure they'll find my jokes kind of _bunny_."

Mike grinned at the mixed reactions. Jeremy groaned deeply, placing a hand over his eyes. He peeked out to see the Bonnies. "Kill him first," Jeremy said.

Shadow Bonnie simply stood there, but to Mike it looked like it was slightly shaking its head. Withered Bonnie actively did shake his head. He turned around and walked out of the office, continuing to shake his head. Toy Bonnie, in Mike's opinion, had the best reaction. It actually laughed, giving out a robotic giggle at Mike's pun.

"See?" Mike said to Jeremy, pointing at the Toy Bonnie. "It likes my puns."

The 6AM bell rung, and Jeremy shot up from his chair. He rushed out out of the office as soon as he could, Toy Bonnie following. Shadow Bonnie turned its head to look at Mike, before dissipating. "Well," Mike said to himself, "at least someone likes my puns."

<>=PUNS=<>

"Hey Jeremy?"

"Yeah, Mike?"

"Do you think BB is crazy?" Mike asked, glancing at the small animatronic in the corner.

Jeremy lazily looked up from the tablet. It was 5:59, so neither guard was particularly worried. "No, not at all," he said.

Jeremy looked at metal boy in the corner, who was facing the two of them. It had a large grin plastered on its face, but it didn't exactly look 'crazy' to Jeremy. Jeremy asked Mike, "Why do you think that?"

Mike gave Jeremy his signature shit-eating grin, and Jeremy knew he fucked up.

"Well," Mike started, "I've always thought BB was a bit of a _balloon_ -atic."

Jeremy didn't even bother groaning at this point. He just let out a sorry sigh as 6AM rung throughout the building. As Mike and Jeremy were packing their stuff, BB let out a giggle, which turned into a full out laugh.

"He finds it funny too!" Mike said to Jeremy.

But the laugh didn't stop.

It kept coming and coming, borderline creepy. Mike let out a nervous chuckle as they began walking out the building. The laugh continued, bordering hysteria, as Mike and Jeremy walked out of the building. It finally stopped as they left the building.

"You don't think..." Mike trailed off.

Jeremy didn't answer him. He threw his stuff in the back of the car and got in the passenger's seat. "Let's go, Mike," Jeremy said. Mike threw one last glance at his workplace before getting in the car with Jeremy.

Back inside the building, Balloon Boy let out a giggle. Scaring those two was a lot more fun that helping the animatronic kill them!

<>=PUNS=<>

The golden suit was crumpled out in front of the security guards. "Mike?" Jeremy asked, noticing his coworker's hyperventilating. "What is that?"

"That..." Mike trailed off, staring at the suit. The empty suit, the one he was once almost stuffed, was sitting in a hunched position. It had its mouth open, as usual, gaping wide. Big enough that an animatronic wouldn't have to take off the head to fit an endoskeleton inside.

_'Puns...'_ Mike thought, trying to calm down. _'Puns solve everything.'_

"Jeremy," Mike said, taking longer breaths, "I think I'm good now."

"Yeah?" Jeremy questioned in disbelief, seeing Mike's pale face.

"Yeah," Mike said. His lips twisted into a Cheshire grin, but was still a bit weak, "I'm absolutely _golden_."

Jeremy couldn't help but let a chuckle slip out. Seeing Mike's beaming face, Jeremy said, "I'm not laughing at your puns." Mike's face slipped, but Jeremy continued on, "But if you're making puns, you're probably fi–"

The golden bear's head twitched to a straight up position, almost spontaneously. **"2211202100200012100202020101022013"** it yelled, but Mile and Jeremy only hard a horrible, inhuman groaning noise. The Fredbear suit continued to spasm, as it faded to nothingness. The security guards stared at the spot where the gold-colored animatronic once was. Mike checked the tablet, which read _4:52AM_.

"Well," Mike said. "That was a thing."

"Yeah..." Jeremy said, settling back into his chair. "Let's get back to work..."

Few words were exchanged that night.

<>=PUNS=<>

Mike walked into Freddy Fazbear's Pizza at _11:30PM_ , to get a bit settled before Jeremy got there. After tonight, it would be a full month since they started together, and Mike wanted to get prepared.

He unlocked the door and walked in to the empty halls. Mike knew that the animatronics wouldn't start free roam until midnight, but the place still creeped him out. Mike noticed that there was something missing, but dismissed it as he walked to the office (he wasn't scared. He was just walking with a purpose!).

Mike turned the corner to his office to finally realize what was missing. The music box.

Which explained the Puppet sitting on his desk.

"Mike," it greeted, its voice high-pitched and garbled. Mike glared at it suspiciously. "It's not midnight, yet," the marionette said, dismissing the suspicion. "I've come to you with a...complaint, from the animatronics."

"A complaint," Mike drawled, "from the things trying to kill me." The Puppet nodded, as if that made perfect sense.

"See," the Puppet explained, "when we're trying to kill you, there's this whole 'mood'." The Puppet looked around when it talked, using its hands and made air quotes. "And when you make a pun, that ruins the mood, Mike."

The skinny animatronic looked at him. "Your puns ruin the mood, Mike," it said.

Mike tried to take this in. So his puns really were saving them? Cool. Pun time! "So," Mike started, trying to plan ahead in his head, "you're asking me to Marion- _not_ -te make puns?"

The Puppet frowned at him, while the security guard gave it his signature shit-eating grin.

<>=PUNS=<>

Jeremy walked into the office to a very peculiar sight. It was the Marionette trying to strangle Mike, but the security guard was too busy laughing, it only barely kept the cursing, cursed Puppet off of his neck.

Jeremy sighed, and turned on the tablet and wound the music box, making the Puppet go limp. "Damn it, Mike," Jeremy sighed, picking up the sleeping animatronic, "you'll be the death of me."

Mike gave him a sly smile, like he knew something Jeremy didn't. "Or I might save you life," he countered.

** Fin~ **


End file.
